“Each believed that God was on his side, for no one raises a hand without convincing himself first that he is right.”
Andrew Krivak
Blogging burn change dread dream empowered fable forest FSF home Mental Health mother new out poem rant Short Story snow Soul spilled milk survival trigger warning Understanding weighted WPW you you are the universe
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Deliverance by nature herself.
As the horizon begins to clear, I am left again to consider a familiar foe. A reason. It’s in these times that I began to envy those that either never were without, or have found theirs. I don’t resent what has happened. Not anymore. I don’t hate those with better fortune. But I envy those… Read more
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If I want free, I must forgive
It is hard to need someone who is gone. Need someone who was never there. Either by reason of their own or a power greater, couldn’t be there as you needed them to be. Being angry, releasing the guilt, and freeing myself from my mother includes reconizing how much I needed her. I needed her.… Read more
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never looking at him again
It began with conversations at school. I had a few friends, and I began to speak blasé about certain truths. We were all burdened. And though likely unhealthy, we were all desperate for understanding. Trauma, and weighted stories were shared, like reflections on the weather. I spoke of my mother. “Yeah, she’ll hit me. She… Read more
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I want to live another way.
Once you’ve broken a habit, it can be hard to come back. I’m not disappointed, nor do I think anyone is. But when I count the days it’s been since I posted, it’s harder to come back. But I am. There’s more work to do, more to clear from my system. I’ve been preparing for… Read more
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Live a life I’d be proud of.
I found my mother’s cards. The ones she sent to me when I left for college. When I thought I had left for good. They’ve all begun to fade. All of them, but one, were repurposed from cards she saved over the years. Some old birthday cards, graduation cards, and one newer get-well card. Old… Read more
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I will build myself again, if it means freedom
Gratefulness is a strong word. I am not grateful for what has happened to me. I am glad for my resilience, but I reject the notion that the pressure made me, me. I didn’t need the harm. I didn’t need to be victimized. I didn’t need to be raised a caretaker. To watch my own… Read more