“Each believed that God was on his side, for no one raises a hand without convincing himself first that he is right.”

Andrew Krivak

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  • I want my life to be my own.

    I want my life to be my own.

    I fear that I am my greatest antithesis. Others can, and have, caused issues, but as I get closer to peace, I always find myself as the final obstacle. Peace is not a thing I’m great at. Facing one’s trauma is one thing, but unlearning the negative parts of yourself that got you through those… Read more

  • To find an equilibrium of care and progress.

    To find an equilibrium of care and progress.

    I’m trying to be considerate of myself. I may feel better, but I am not my mind alone. I’ve never been considerate of my body. That my body is also me, not simply something I occupy, and it needs to heal as well. It’s been exhausting; I’ve been exhausted. But I know this is part… Read more

  • I am not simply a weighted, darkened soul. I am more.

    I am not simply a weighted, darkened soul. I am more.

    Pain is a curious thing. I would not say I am past it, but I know I am much farther than I was when I started. Clarity like this will make you realize that you weren’t living before. That only now you are really living. I hate that a bit. A part of me ires… Read more

  • Never alone in the woods of all.

    Never alone in the woods of all.

    Harm is interesting. It has the power to define a person, but can also be rendered to a story alone. I was certain all that had happened would define me. And, though I still believe a hereditary madness is desperate to claim another of my line. For the first time, I have hope. As I… Read more

  • I release you. In a way, I now understand.

    I release you. In a way, I now understand.

    Dear June, I’m sorry I didn’t save you. I’m sorry, I couldn’t. In these moments, I find I morn most—not what happened—but that I didn’t get to know you. You were not simply my mother. You were a woman who likely feared as I did. I imagine you were as scared as I. You were… Read more

  • The weight that you cared more.

    The weight that you cared more.

    It was nearing spring break of my sophomore year. Since the call in November, I had been home every Saturday, and wallowed every Sunday. I skipped so many plans. I felt myself distancing from my roommates, my friends, and everyone. I wasn’t there; I couldn’t blame them. They always asked. There were talks of taking… Read more